Lettuce Reflect

photo credit: @homewiththehellers

When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well,

you do not blame the lettuce. You look for a reason it

is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water,

or less sun.

You never blame the lettuce.

Yet if we have a problem with our friends or family,

we blame the other person. But if we know how to

take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.

Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does

trying to persuade using reason or argument.

That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning,

no argument, just understanding.

If you understand, and you show that you understand,

you can Love, and the situation will change.

-Thich Nhat Hahn

Day: 2

I read this quote today and it landed good and hard.

Today is day 2 of my fifteen year old, feral child out in the "world".

I dropped their phone off, because there was no way to contact them otherwise.

And in that exchange they answered the door as abrasively as ever, perhaps bracing

themselves for my wrath. Somewhat shocked, as I tend to be, by her harsh, protective

stoicism, I handed over the phone. Trying not to react or feel hurt by the greeting they gave,

and failing miserably, I asked a few questions about their plans. All I could glean was that they actually had plans and with my own stoicism, albeit fake, I mutered,

"Love you, good look with life.' They asked for a hug but I was hurt and didn't feel like giving one.

I left.

But then turned around, went back inside and gave a half hearted hug, because sadly that was all my hurt heart could muster. Once again wished her luck with life... one of the best teachers around.

I drove off. Lighter

Excited.

What were they going to do?

What were they capable of?

What would they learn?

Understanding Mal

Maliha has and always will be a person who has to learn via their own experiences.

Often messy in the process.

Her human Design chart helped me understand that.

Mal needs to feel, to sense and then log what the experience offers.

Case in point.

Mal is sensory seeker.

Always has, and I believe, always will be.

She use to make "concoctions". I never ever knew what was in those concoctions until one day I would be missing an ingredient or two from the kitchen. In the case above, it was an entire Costco size olive oil.

I came outside to see her concocting and

with just enough time to see her dump the entire bowl of olive oil and other mystery ingredients over her head.

For Mal, what would the experience be if it wasn't fully felt, and embodied.

Her hair was so soft for so long after that experience.

Nothing has changed for my sensory seeker except that her arena for experience in expanding.

Rite of Passage

A dear friend asked me how I was doing today and then responded

"I ran away at that age too. Kind of a Right of Passage. She'll be back."

Yes! A Rite of Passage. Of course!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am passionate about Rites of Passage

in all our various stages of life.

But especially how our culture does not promote them as such.

These type of ceremonial transitions live in our bones, embedded in our ancestral DNA.

Especially the passage from child to adult.

Therefore, many teens, often subconsciously, seek out their own Rites of Passage.

Some sort of "scary/ death defying/ adulting" event that will prove to themselves

that they are ready for the world. Ready for what life will bring.

And at the very least, a new sense of confidence.

So why would our species pick this dark human experience

that has forgotten its connection to everything?

...

So we could experience the temporal reality that

we humans, with our limited minds, remain in-

something you can't get in singularity is the

experience of time, so we choose this temporal biology

of a human life to see beauty through the finite lens

of time. In the way we get to see the arc of life, the beauty of

each moment between life and death.

-Dr Zach Bush

When Mal's spirit retires the body it has used for this lifetime I have every faith

that it will have experienced everything she wanted it to.

When she speaks her wisdom to others, they will ask "How do you know this?"

As she will respond, "Because I lived it."

So do I blame the lettuce?

Absolutely Not.

This is how I am choosing to care for my lettuce.

Space, Trust, Understanding and Love.

* note on pronouns- It may drive you nuts that I use they/ them/ she/her interchangeably, I have my reasons.